the finish line….

After a tasty omelette sambo sent in by the “MIL” I was sent on my merry wobbly way! The GA really takes it out of you, I was weak and wobbly for a couple of days after but I felt fine and had very little bleeding which was one positive I suppose. Because they still couldn’t rule out ectopic I was back in on Friday for more bloods, I was still really worried as I had this constant tingling sensation in my right ovary and had developed a pain in my back, to be honest a pain in my ear would have had me dialling 999 and screaming “RUPTURE”, I was a bit delicate to say the least. I met with the doctor but there was nothing they could do but wait for the HCG results and to ring back that night after 9 to get them.

Lucky for me I met with my own GP outside La Cucina at lunchtime that day and she had planned to ring me to see what the hell was going on as she hadn’t seen me in the shop for 3 weeks and was starting to worry(she’s so nice). She offered to ring the hospital for my blood results before she finished at 5 as they would give them to her as she is a GP, I think I might love her:) I tried to go about my day as normal checking the clock every 2 mins, she hadn’t rang by 5 so I had to collect the princess from creche so I just presumed she couldn’t get them. Just as I’m collecting the little madame from the ball room she rings(typical), HCG 400 and something HALLELUJA! My celebration is short lived as the princess nearly loses her life that I walked out of the ball room without her(the cheek) and is in hysterics when I return.

I have another 3 blood tests after that and eventually get HCG down to 4.5. So, how do I feel after everything that’s happened?? The main thing is relief, it’s funny but I never thought 4 weeks ago that I would be so happy to see the words above on a pregnancy test. I think the fear of the ectopic probably over shadowed the whole miscarriage as I was just so worried about rupturing, hemorrhaging to death , losing tubes,  becoming infertile, the not knowing was the worst. I do feel a little sad that my little “cannellini bean” has gone and I probably feel even more for the princess as I really want her to have a little sibling even though to be honest deep down she probably doesn’t want one, my 18  month nephew was here all week and let’s just say she wasn’t going out of her way to share or play with him. She’s a bit evil when she wants to be, but aren’t they all (mother in denial)

I’m still not back to normal and have the flu today, I look 5 months pregnant which was kindly pointed out to me yesterday. I should point out that I am a “sweller”,

 I swell if I’ve eaten too much..

 I swell if I haven’t eaten enough(empty stomach and acid, you know yourself)

 I swell after a cappuccino(convinced I was lactose intolerant for a while)

 I swell really bad after drinking alcohol which hasn’t hindered my consumption in any way I might add….

 I swell when I fly…

 I swell when I’m on holidays(must be the heat because it couldn’t be point 1 & 4 above)

so obviously I’m going to swell quite bad after a d&c…. 

Anyhoo I was in my local chemist dressed in a tracksuit and puffa jacket as one does after a traumatic experience of having your insides messed around. Let’s call her the “glamorous one” behind the Clarins counter who I know to chat to when I call in announces out of nowhere mid conversation…

“well have you any news or have you just put on weight”?? while tapping my d&c’d tummy….

me – ah, um, ah, am, ah, I wish( nervous laugh) no…. while going a bit on the red side!

the glamorous 1 – you should pull in your belly so and not let it all hang out….

me – “I WOULD IF I COULD BUT I’VE JUST HAD A MISCARRIAGE”  no, of course I didn’t say this but thought it… I just mumbled something about not being able to hide the belly!

the glamorous 1 – that teaches me to ask silly questions, I won’t be asking that again…  

me – “I SHOULD HOPE NOT” in my head again, I mumbled something about not knowing what goes on in people’s lives and quickly got myself outta there. Thank god I’m not sensitive! Some people *rolls eyes to heaven*

The most fascinating thing is that after all this I’m ready to go again, Bru is just waiting for the green light! The “want” to have a baby is just so strong and no matter how bad a previous birth is or what traumatic experiences you go through you are always ready to go again, I just hope it goes a little bit better the next time……..

p.s. wish me luck;)


7 thoughts on “the finish line….

  1. Well done Lorraine!!! I have tunes of the champion song ringing through my ears with tears in my eyes as I see you rush past the finish line ;0). You NEED to write a book!!!!

    • Thanks Maz, Bru will be a happy non tea drinking Italian anyway:) The Irish Times contacted me last week to feature me in an article they are doing on miscarriage, don’t know how they found this blog, my readership is quite low as I don’t advertise it! Aghhhhhh, one thing writing about it on my little blog another going in the national newspaper….

  2. Wow Lorraine, so sorry you’ve been through all that. I know only too well how horrendous it is. Wish I’d been able to take it as well. Took me over a year to get my life back to normal and I still get emotional just thinking about it. *Hugs* Hang in there! 🙂

  3. Lor, I agree you should write a book as you always keep people engrossed to whatever you write, sad or funny! Took me a few hours but got to read all your ordeal and am glad to hear that you and Bru are going for gold!! I had forgotten about your tough time after the Princess arrived, you have really been thru the mill so fingers crossed this time all will go smoothly and the Princess will finally get a little prince/princess to play with and you and Bru will be very happy!! xx

    • Ah thanks Deb, you know yourself you just have to get on with things and we’ve been very lucky in general so this is just a little setback hopefully! sorry you didn’t make it to the party yesterday, hope Harry is better:)

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