a history lesson….

I manage to get through Tuesday night without rupturing and wake up alive(what a great feeling) on Wednesday morning feeling quite positive as today is the day!! It’s my final scan and some decisions are finally going to be made. I’m a bit confused as to which direction to go in, injection or d&c? I even shave the old pins and do a little pruning  just in case, got to be pruned if all and sundry are going to be at the show!  Deep down I’m still hoping a foetal pole is going to magic itself into my little sac and I’m going to ring everyone and say “surprise”….. Wishful thinking of course, the mind plays terrible tricks. I arrive in for my scan and see another 3 faces and knowing winks in the waiting room, the scan is uneventful, no magic tricks unfortunately, the cyst has disappeared which is a good thing I’m told and the sac is still there.

I know “Dr M” is there on Weds so on return to admissions I request to see him again, about the 4th time since I’ve arrived. The midwife loved me:) I hadn’t seen him in over 3 years and I wondered if he would remember me, he’s delivered a lot of babies since then but we have a bit of history. My pregnancy on the princess was a dream, I loved it but the birth wasn’t so much fun.

  grab a cuppa, this might take a while….

  •  induction
  • left in 5 bed public ward with high blood pressure patients in mid pregnancy, left for 5 hours in full blown  labour as no room in labour ward. In agony, trying not to scream, get to 5cm and transferred with lots of “good lucks” from frightened high blood pressure ladies…..
  •  24 hour labour
  • 9cm
  • 4 epidural top-ups that never worked, Bru nearly fainting while epi put in,( she burst a blood vessel) and drinking a cup of tea to settle him,( he’s Italian, he doesn’t drink tea)
  •  baby in distress
  •  emergency c-section under GA
  •  10lb baby (HOLY FXXK)
  •  uncontrollable bleeding, back into theatre under GA for d&c, 2 stitches
  •  infection, mention tightness in chest from shivering(I WILL NEVER MENTION TIGHTNESS IN CHEST WHEN SHIVERING AGAIN)
  •  transferred to regional on Sat night at 3am with suspected clot in the lung, 10 pounder left in neo
  • left in A&E for 4 hours and meet the biggest bitch of a doctor ever…..
  • told I’m” lucky” to get semi private room by porter bringing me to my room?? WHAT?? eh lucky…
  • put in eye ward with a little old lady who can hardly see who has to listen to me crying for 55 million hours
  • have to take iron but can’t swallow tablets so nurses have to get petit filous for me so I can empty capsules while trying to console me,they do their best but they’re eye nurses for crying out loud! They know nothing about baby blues…
  • someone comes with breast pump and tries to convince me to express! I nearly throw it at them…
  • another eye patient arrives so I’m transferred to another ward with another lady who’s in for indigestion or something and keeps asking for something for the pain at 2 in the morning and then pulls out the taytos and chocolate every time they leave the room…
  • she listens to me crying for 55 million hours… I try to keep my curtain closed but she wants to be friends because she’s been there for 3 weeks and I’m a lot more interesting than her last roomie, I’m a bit of a novelty as I’m technically in the wrong hospital….
  • DR M arrives at 12am on Saturday night to see if I’m ok and asks what’s wrong with my eyes? the nurse explains the 55 million hours.
  • he rings a lot over the next couple of days to check up on me…
  • supposed to have scan on lung on Monday, doesn’t happen..
  •  they’re sending me photos from the maternity of the 10 pounder and I’m a blubbering mess. I’ve hardly held her… she’s in neo beside a 2lb baby and looks like a monster!
  • after 3 days of black petit filous I have my scan and there is no clot…
  • back out to maternity in the ambulance and a peak of the outside world that’s continuing on without me..
  • they’ve kept my room for me, how nice! they could have cleaned it, the dust balls gathering in the corner are a bit of a worry…
  • still getting temperatures and shivering but 2 different anti-b’s not working..
  • time to come off the line and take anti-b’s orally as arms are black and blue, 2 spoons and lots of crushing required
  • not getting better and end up having an argument with DR M and he tells the non tea drinking Italian not to raise his voice with him…
  • he apologizes for his reaction and blames stress of not being able to fix me, fair enough, I’m stressed of not being able to fix me…
  • midwife tells me to get myself together and wash my hair, I just had! ok maybe I hadn’t straightened it…
  • struggle through the week barley able to move but left to look after 10 pounder with no help, the non tea drinking Italian stays with me morning till night doing what he can….
  • 9 days after induction DR M spends the day in the regional with medicine making lady to find something to clear my infection. Nobody can figure it out…
  • medicine making lady comes through and temperature starts to go down
  • nearly 2 weeks after arriving I wrap up 10 pounder in her pink baby suit and go home…..
  • at 6 week check up, I meet clot in the lung consultant from the Regional coming down the stairs after meeting with DR M as I’m going in.
  • he tells me he’s still no closer to finding out what went wrong and understands completely if I want a c-section on the next baby…..
  • I think to myself “NEVER AGAIN”……

how things change:)

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4 thoughts on “a history lesson….

  1. Hello Lorraine, thanks fior sharing your most personal experiences in such a humorous way. I too had a 10lb baby girl (in Oct 2006), followed by a miscarriage at 9 weeks in April 2008 and a D and E (all occured in the States so a much less harrowing experience than your account). After returning to live in Ireland, I got pregnant again in Feb 09 and had a beautiful 10 lb 14 oz baby daughter in Nov 09. She was not breathing when she came out and spent her first 2 night in the special care unit of the hospital where she looked like the bouncer on the door next to all the preemies. Next week will be the 2 year anniversary of the miscarriage so I suppose it’s on my mind so it has been a help to read about your experiences. I thought that I would never get pregnant again after the miscarriage – but thankfully it did happen after I started to talk about my concerns with friends. They put my mind at ease and probably helped me relax – the baby was also conceived on a weekend away so that probably helped.

    • Hi Marianne and welcome:) I love hearing good news stories after miscarriage, it makes me worry less about going on to getting pregnant again and going full term. I’m glad my story helps a little, that’s why I decided to write about it, I debated a lot about it but I’m glad I did now.

      p.s. 10 14 – GOOD LORD!!!!!

  2. Pingback: the “bond”…. « mamma bella

  3. WOW Lorraine, I am finally getting a chance to read this this morning ………….first of all, I remember meeting you pre-baby and then when Alessia was maybe 18 months at La Cucina and then again at 3ish. She is just a little slice of heaven and congratulations again on endowing the world with such a beautiful little girl….had no idea it happened like that!!!!!!!!! I had a horrific experience with Geoffrey, he was 33 weeks and I had Dr. C…..I believe it’s partially why I haven’t had another here in Ireland, I’m terrified of the medical system!!!!!!!!!
    The first paragraph made me cry….very, very sorry for your loss Lorraine. I am wishing you nothing but the best, positive wishes of wellness and ease for this pregnancy and c-section delivery, you all deserve it! xoxoxoxooo

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