a little bit pregnant….

 

I know, it’s been a while but I had taken my mind off all things maternal to be honest once the recession kicked in last year. Anyway we’ve ridden that storm, rennovated the shop and have come out the other side so it was time to get back to basics and start thinking about giving the princess a little sibling. God knows she asks enough, it’s constant..

“when I get my baby brother boy…..”

“when I get my baby sister girl…”

“can we get 1 today???”

The guilt began to take hold when she found a baby boy’s babygro in the press which had been a present for someone and talked about it all day one Sunday to the point where she wanted” to go to Smith’s right now to buy one”. I realised the time had come! The pill packets were discarded, Bru had a permanent smile smile on his face in anticipation, I had no more headaches and off we went…..

It took a month, aghhhhhh, we weren’t expecting it to happen that soon but were delighted none the less. I found out at 4 weeks as I’m pretty regular and had a few symptoms – Pamela Anderson mammaries, tiredness, starving and on the verge of fainting by 2pm(well that’s pretty normal actually), nothing out of the ordinary really. I hadn’t planned on telling anyone but ended up having to tell my dentist and physio who are both customers in the shop, having a business and being well known comes with it’s own problems. My doctor is also my customer and every pharmacy in the area is too so I had to drive past 5 pharmacys to get a pregnancy  test, going for scans in the maternity and trying to keep a secret is another blog post.

Anyway everything was going smoothly until the Friday of the end of my 6th week when I got out of bed and didn’t have to carry my “pamela anderson mammaries” to the bathroom, they were light as a feather. I didn’t read too much into it but thought it strange that night that I wasn’t that tired after working 1o hours in the shop and it had been mental. All week I finished work early and went to bed the same time as the princess. Sunday my answer came, I don’t know how to describe that first moment you see the dreaded red/brown stuff. My heart sank is probably the best way, I knew it was gone. I even told Bru I felt it was gone so I took myself off to the GP  the next morning and she sent me off to the Maternity for my scan.

I tried to dress incognito, tracksuit, no make-up, but it didn’t work. I walked into the scan room and got 2 sets of happy faces winking at me in that “ooooo look who’s here and pregnant”, I smiled weakly and sat at the back as far away as I could and away from the big sign saying “drink water if you are less than 12 weeks”! OOOOPS, I didn’t even know as I was 16 weeks on the first scan with the princess so after waiting an eternity for my name to be called I was sent back out to drink at least a litre of water and wait for half an hour. I could have killed myself, I needed to know! The 2nd time went better and she informed me there was nothing there, she was sorry but I’d obviously miscarried and I would probably just be sent home. I felt fine, no tears, sadness, a little bit disappointed but not really too upset as I had gotten pregnant so fast I felt it just wasn’t my time yet, I’m of the everything happens for a reason mindset(well I was anyway) so I went back to admissions feeling positive and ready to go home and start again.

If only…..

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